soulmates, energy, connection…

I’ve talked before about my experience falling in love (here) and I mentioned that it felt like we had known each other forever. That was the main reason I knew that I wanted to be with him. Because when we were together I didn’t think about the past or the future, I was so deeply present and grateful for each moment we shared. 

What is it about a strong energetic connection that makes you feel like time has stopped? I was talking to a friend yesterday and she wisely said, “the heart doesn’t know time”. That’s why you can be with someone for days, weeks, or months and have experienced a full relationship.  The intensity of feeling is what defines the relationship, short term relationships are just as valid as long term. 

I haven’t felt time stop very often, but when it does that blissful feeling is something I savor. It’s some special kind of magic that points the way on this crazy life path I’ve chosen. 

The other day I felt it again. I walked up to you and time stopped. A part of me remembered doing this countless times before and feeling the warm, comforting embrace of your arms around me. 

Are feelings like this psychological fantasies or somehow recognition of ever repeating patterns? Whenever things like this that I can’t explain start happening, I feel a little crazy again. Maybe I was making it up? Maybe only I felt it and you had no idea? 

The main issue I have with these feelings is that they never last. And I have an incredibly hard time with impermanence when it comes to love. I want it to last, just one time! 

But maybe I’m missing the whole point. Maybe I’m wasting these profound experiences by not appreciating them for the love and magic they contain, even if it only lasts a moment. Some people may have never even felt that at all and here I am complaining. 

My friend also said life is preparing me for love again. Giving me little bits until I’m ready for the real deal. 

And I don’t think I’m ready! No matter how much I want to be completely swallowed up and obliterated by love, I’m terrified of allowing myself to be that open again. Of surrendering myself completely and letting someone else in. So maybe the Universe is testing me with small doses until I’m ready to trust again…

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