A few weeks ago I woke up after a late night out, walked into the bathroom, and when I looked up I was shocked to see the most beautiful girl in the world staring back at me. And not beautiful in just the traditional ways, but beautiful because I could see her soul in all its glory radiating from every cell in her body. I had never seen myself like that before… at least not for a really long time.
In that moment I fell totally in love with myself. And a really sweet line I had heard a few days earlier popped into my mind: “He doesn’t see me as incomplete, he sees me as I am.” I was the “he” seeing myself in all my perfect imperfectness and being totally and completely in love with what I saw looking back at me.
That was the best morning of my life.
But then life started again and I got caught up in all the muck… that feeling of unconditional love and self compassion I had felt slowly faded into the background. I started talking down to myself again and getting sucked into all those bad old habits I had been trying so long to break free of. The ensuing depression got worse and worse until New Year’s Eve, by then I was so consumed that I didn’t want to get out of bed.
Thankfully, my friends forced me to get up and shower and told me we were going to hit the town! It was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, but after I showered and ate a bowl of oatmeal I felt that lovely feeling starting to creep through me again.
I put on a gold shirt I got way cheap at Savers as a dress, gold hoops, and lots of gold glitter under my eyes and started to notice how beautiful I was becoming again. I remembered to laugh and felt myself warming up after being stuck in that cold depression the past few weeks. I caught myself dancing and went out with my friends for a New Year’s Eve I’ll never forget.
The next day I woke up and when I saw myself in the mirror I recognized all that radiant beauty again. I was glowing! It’s not a feeling that I will ever be able to fully describe, but I could literally feel love flowing through every vein of my body. I had connected again, and unknowingly, to an eternal source of love… a source that came from somewhere deep inside myself.
I thought about making a list of intentions for this year, but I realized that if I could tap into the love and live through it, what I wrote on paper wouldn’t matter because everything I was seeking I found inside that love. Now I know what people mean when they say that once you love yourself, you can love somebody else.
There’s so much love that it’s almost overwhelming, I need to share it with someone, and everyone I meet gets a taste. For a long time I didn’t think I could ever give myself over to love again, but I realized that I’m finally ready. And I’m ready because the love I have to give is unconditional. The love doesn’t seek anything in return, it only wants to give and I think that’s what true love is.
So Universe or God or whatever you want to call it: I’m ready for LOVE. I devote myself completely to love. To living in the present moment filled with more love than I’ll ever know what to do with. Allowing myself to be open and vulnerable in sharing that love with others. 2018 is the Year of Love.