escaping myself

A lot of times I keep stuff bottled up inside, because I’m scared of what people will think if I tell them the truth. I feel like my feelings are usually too much for other people. Seems like nobody is ever on my level lol.

So today I told people some big things. And it feels better, but also worse. It feels better that I’m not the only one who knows anymore, but it sucks because nothing changed. And maybe that is just me being selfish and wanting to get my way.

I thought that by facing the situations and not running away they would work out differently. Usually I run away and hide and don’t tell people the things I need to tell them the most.

When I went through a bad breakup a few years ago and nobody seemed to really care or be able to be there for me. I grieved for so long and people couldn’t understand why I didn’t just get over it. Like you’re still sad about that??

My highs are too high and my lows are too low.

I feel like I’m stuck in a Telenovela. When did my life turn into this much drama and twists and surprises. I’m realizing I cut my hair to find something to control. Something to jerk me out of this crazy world. But that didn’t work.

Maybe I should just stop doing stuff. But avoiding has been working really well – jk. I’m scared to get quiet and feel the feels. I should just go to yoga and cry it all out, but it’s so damn hot outside I can’t bring myself to do yoga in a 100 degree room. Maybe that’s the type of cleansing I need tho…

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