venus retrograde

It came in with a bang! Like a ton of bricks, or maybe more like a deceptively strong wind. However you’re feeling it, Venus retrograde is here.

I had no idea what to expect, but all of a sudden I was reliving old patterns of self destruction and fear of intimacy. I was scared again. All of the work I’ve been doing to uncover my light vanished in the blink of an eye. I felt totally defeated.

Looking for guidance and support I came across tweets somehow shared by @AudreyKitching. I realized that this is a time for cleansing and clearing away for good all of the junk I’ve been carrying around in my heart. Audrey calls it a heart detox. I didn’t even realize how much I needed this.

Another great little piece of wisdom that resonated with me from her Twitter was this: We always revisit the starting point once we have reached the ending.

I was so disappointed in myself and felt that I failed, and must have to do this all again, because it was coming back, but it’s just a big circle. Time to level up. Time to finally let go of all the untruths I have been holding in my heart. Time to invite and accept the love that is being extended to me. Time to embrace who I really am.

Who I really am is full of love. Full of laughter and light. There have been more and more moments of clarity when I feel that me trying to emerge. She is more lovely than I could’ve imagined. She is kind and caring and bright. Beautiful in every way.

I don’t have to suffer all the time. I deserve to smile and enjoy life. That’s been the toughest lesson to learn of them all. That I deserve a life full of joy.

I am terrified of what’s next because it will be something totally different than I am used to. It feels a bit like dying and stepping into a new world. But it’s also the most exciting thing! I’m getting everything I asked for… maybe that’s why it’s so scary. Because the old part of me keeps whispering that one day the other shoe will drop and it will all turn sour again.

But even if that’s true, it’s out of my control. Everything is. I had a thought come into my mind today that reminded me the only thing I have control over is how I decide to act. Which is funny, because I’ve been playing this song over and over again by Jeremy Zucker called ‘thinking 2 much‘ and I realized that subconsciously I was trying to send myself that message.

Always, you‘re thinking too much
Baby, slow down, realize
There’s more here for you

I don’t know what the future will be. I know what I am hoping for, but no matter how life unfolds I know it will all work out for the best. Somehow it’s always better than I ever am able to imagine.

Time to relax again and enjoy the ride 💜

p.s. I wrote this at the beginning of the year and it gets more true every day.

I am she who is coming into being

A woman empowering women

I love love

Walking the path through the wildness of my heart

Flowing like water through your fingers filling each container I’m in

Living in blissful surrender and trust as a fish who is fed by the sea

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