Instead of forcing myself to be productive today, I let myself rest. I took a hot shower and then snuggled in my bed all day drifting in and out of dreamland. It was wonderful.
I decided this week that I would practice being and integrating instead of continually pushing myself to check things off on my to do list. Usually I don’t give myself time to process and just jump ahead to the next task… but I started to realize how unhealthy this is. Resiliency can be a blessing and a curse.
Then I read The Hoodwitch’s Witch Tips & Horoscopes for this week and the questions I had been asking myself were answered. Isn’t it funny how that happens?
I hope you can feel the change in the air too! I finally feel free to follow my dreams even though I don’t know where that will lead. Being able to progress forward without the pressure of everything coming out perfect is exactly what I needed!
Ever since the new Moon this weekend I’ve been feeling… weird. Not like my usual self. It’s not exactly that I’ve been depressed, but maybe like depression lite? And I know nobody is happy all of the time, but in this fake positive culture it’s hard to accept and deal with emotions that aren’t easily pinned down.
I think maybe a lot of it is anxiety. There are some pretty big shifts happening in my life right now and it’s so hard to not compare where I am with anyone else’s journey. Tuning in, I just hear all of the negative things that are running below the surface of my conscious thoughts. I thought with the changes I would feel relieved and light, but I’m feeling much more of the opposite. I have anxiety about an entire new set of problems. wtf. I just want to be worry and fear free!
One thing I’ve learned over the past few months is that sometimes the most positive things are the hardest to accept. I’ve lived so long wanting them, but once they’re attainable all the monsters pop up and remind me of all the reasons I shouldn’t get what I want. Also, suffering gets comfortable. You know what to expect and how to get through it. But, when things change you have to find a new way of living through that reality.
Think I’m going to head to my special spot in the mountains and cry it out after work. Sometimes that’s all the release I need to pinpoint whatever the uncomfortable feels are trying to point out. But if that doesn’t work I can always listen to sad songs and eat dark chocolate. Through is almost always the best way out.
Happy first day of Fall! The change in seasons is officially here and I’m ecstatic. I love Fall & Winter, mostly because being cozy and cuddling with my mini me and drinking tea every morning are my favorite things. But I also really enjoy the time for reflection that these seasons allow.
During Spring and Summer I find myself rushing around planting new seeds and starting a million projects. But in Fall I finally get to harvest and integrate the experiences I have been enjoying.
One thing I recently learned about the Equinoxes, is that on these two days per year the Sun rises and sets exactly along the equator. I love that symbolism! The balance between all the newness and growth we experience during the first half of the year, and then the turning inward and quiet contemplation of the second half.
Today I went to church (my little spot in the mountains) and thought all about my goals for this change in gears. A lot of times I don’t realize how much I’ve learned until I take time to consciously sort through it all. This summer has been especially eventful so I can’t wait to see what new realizations strike me!
This weekend I’m going to enjoy wearing soft pants and comfy socks and cuddling with my favorite people. How are you going to celebrate Fall?