hope is finally here!

Instead of forcing myself to be productive today, I let myself rest. I took a hot shower and then snuggled in my bed all day drifting in and out of dreamland. It was wonderful.

I decided this week that I would practice being and integrating instead of continually pushing myself to check things off on my to do list. Usually I don’t give myself time to process and just jump ahead to the next task… but I started to realize how unhealthy this is. Resiliency can be a blessing and a curse.

Then I read The Hoodwitch’s Witch Tips & Horoscopes for this week and the questions I had been asking myself were answered. Isn’t it funny how that happens?

I hope you can feel the change in the air too! I finally feel free to follow my dreams even though I don’t know where that will lead. Being able to progress forward without the pressure of everything coming out perfect is exactly what I needed!

over & over 

So many things have been happening lately, but nothing I can really sit down and write a post about. Things on the periphery of my consciousness that I’m only vaguely aware of. A lot of stuff is brewing beneath the surface I just don’t know what it is. 

Realizing lately how many times I cross and recross the same places in life. Walking over the same footsteps, but gratefully,  with the realization that I’ve been here before. 

Do things ever really change? Do we ever leave old patterns behind? Or do we just evolve our understanding and reaction to the same recurring patterns? 

I’m not sure I’ll ever find the answer… but hopefully I can continue to become aware of the the well worn paths I’m traveling and engage in the most productive way. 

purpose. 

Since the end of February I’ve been going to the gym (getting those gains!) and have loved returning to that rhythm. I feel stronger, more attractive, and definitely more confident. I didn’t want to get stuck in the same routine, so I decided to add some yoga classes. I practiced yoga religiously a few years ago and still have a gentle daily practice, but haven’t been to a class in a while. 

My ego was feeling pretty inflated and I was beyond confident that I had it in the bag. I mean I go to the gym 5x a week, trail run, and get in some quick workouts throughout the day. So I signed up for a class that combined cardio and strength training… and it kicked my ass! Sweat was literally pouring down my face, I couldn’t see, and even more humbling there was a pregnant woman next to me breezing through the class. 

After I left that class I was reminded of two things. 

1. if I’m always stopping and starting I’ll never be as good as taking small, consistent steps toward my goals (have you read The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy?) and 2. stop comparing my journey to others. I don’t know how long it took them to get there, and that doesn’t really matter because their path is completely different from mine. 

So I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and noticed that although I regularly have “aha” moments… they never stick. I’ll be in a space of incredible clarity and knowing and then forget and lose my way again. My number one question right now is: how do I keep those moments alive? How can I remind myself to continue living my purpose when life happens and gets in the way? How do I stay connected? 

I’ve been listening to an awesome webinar hosted by Dustin Urban all about tuning into and living your purpose all this week. Today the guest was Jonathan Gustin who made a comment that really stuck out to me. He was talking about how finding and keeping your soul purpose alive requires an ongoing relationship. You can’t watch one webinar, take notes, and then never look at them again. Every day you have to allow your purpose to be front and center. 

Even though it seems like I take three steps forward and two back, at least I’m making that one step! I’m excited to currently be at at a place where I am conscious of these patterns of resistance, which make it difficult to constantly embody my purpose. Instead of trying to get rid of them completely, I’ve decided to start listening and giving them space. Hopefully then I will be making consistent progress… and no more of all this stopping and starting over.